A Grateful Life

On this day, I am thankful.  In this season, I am thankful.  When I think about it, in this life, I am thankful.  I have learned to live a grateful life, and all with good cause.  I have been blessed!

Life has not been easy for me, as I know it has not been for many of you.  Life abounds with struggle, trials, fear, anger, hurt.  And for these things, I am also grateful.

Had I not known struggles in my life, I would not have gained the endurance to continue on.  Had I not had trials in my life, I would not have known I could pass the tests of life.  Had I not known fear, I would not be grateful for my peace and safety.  Had I not known anger, I would not have learned forgiveness. Had I not been hurt, I would have never known healing.

All the blessings in my life came through the hardships in my life.   When I was young, I lost my mother, and my father just drifted off into himself.  Had I not lost them both, I would never have known my grandfather, who became the one who showed me where and how to anchor myself in times of trouble.

When I was 15, my grandfather died, and I was left to fend for myself.  Having never done so, at first I believed I would never make it to the next day, but that particular trial served to teach me that life goes on, and I was capable of taking care of myself.  From this one thing, I learned to work, to have a work ethic, to study, and to apply myself.

During much of my life, I lived in abusive situations, first with my father, then with the men I would marry.  I would go to bed at night wondering what horror would befall me the next day.  But drawing on the anchor that my grandfather gave me, I learned to be fearless, to stand up for myself and those I love, and to walk forward from bad situations.

It was in those times, I also learned anger.  Anger at the people who had abused me, and anger at myself for letting it happen.  I learned that being angry does not give me cause to sin, but does give me the propellant to drive me forward to good things, from those who caused the anger.  And then I learned that, just like my abusers, I was guilty.  From this, I learned that there is a loving God, who longed to forgive me and embrace me. In turn, I learned that I can walk forward from those who anger me, forgive them, setting them free, and in the process, setting myself free.

From God I learned that change is possible, and embraced the chance to change, and to learn that healing is the greatest gift I could receive.  To be healed is to be free. Free from nightmares waking you in the middle of the night, free from looking over your shoulder at what someone might do to you, and free to walk forward, without the loneliness, without tears, and to walk, in freedom, away from the things that enslaved me.

It has been a year since I started my blog.  I started out joyfully, thinking that this year would be one of joy and freedom.  I was right about that, but I had no clue how God would work it out. 

Shortly after the new year started, within the same week, I lost my cousin, a dear friend, and another friend.  Not two months later, I was called to my brother’s bedside because they thought he would die.  Just five months after that, I lost another friend, who was as dear to me as a mother, suddenly and unexpectedly.  Then I began to get sick every day, until I finally went to see my doctor who told me I had to de-stress, relax and learn to live a different life than I have been living all along.  

None of this was welcome news.  I cried half the year, if not more.  But I learned something from these losses too.  I learned to rejoice that I had known my friends and family, rather than pining because I lost them.  Yes, I miss them, but I have assurance I will see them again, in Heaven.  In the case of my brother, I learned what Mary and Martha must have felt when their brother was restored from the grave to them.  For he did not die, and once again, I have the opportunity to talk to him every day.

I complained and whined about being sick.  I do not like this going to the doctor thing.  I want to get up in the morning and go on with life like it was.  But I am learning something new from this, also.  I am learning that life, my life, is precious, and I need to take care of myself.  I am learning a new path, even at my age.

Am I grateful for these current hardships?  Not in themselves, no.  But for the effects that they have worked in my life, I am.  I have learned that time is not a given.  I have learned that you can go to bed one day, and wake up and someone you love could be gone from your life forever.  Because of this, I have learned to embrace those I love, and some I don’t, because we never know how much time we will have with them.  I have learned to cherish every phone call, every embrace, every bit of time I have with them.  Because I have been sick, I have learned that I am just as mortal as those I lost. I only have this moment in my life to do some good thing, to say something kind, to hold a hand, to comfort someone, as I have been comforted. 

Tonight, as I sit here writing, I am so grateful.  I am grateful to the Lord, that He did not shelter me from the hardships of life, but most grateful that He walked through each one with me.   I am thankful that He has never left me, and that He has showed me the way to walk, even when the path seemed the darkest.  

I am thankful for the hard times, the lean times, the good times, the glad times.  But most of all, I am thankful for the Lord. Without Him, I would have had none of these things in my life.   

(Please take a moment to click on the song and listen to the beautiful sound of grateful hearts!)  
Copyright © 2011 by Susan Linn-Gomez. All Rights Reserved.