Socrates once said "Beware the bareness of a busy life." I may fall into that category today, of too busy to do anything important. Perhaps I need to put on the brakes for the day, and take stock of what my life is about today. Perhaps I just need to take a nap. Or go to bed and wake up and start all over again.
Today I was in "Martha Mode". Shopping, baking pies and more pies, making cranberry chutney. It's 10:00 P.M.and I just put the turkey in the oven. Somewhere in the midst of the hubbub of cleaning, cooking, shopping, I was taken by surprise right out of my mode.
My 2 year old grandson, Josiah, came over to visit with his parents. The older boys were running up and down the hall. Josiah ran head on into the door frame and started crying. They were jumping and running and it never even phased me out of my Martha Mode. I just kept on cooking, etc. Until they came to ask for a snack.
Now how can a grandmother deny a hungry boy a snack? The answer is they can't. So I asked them if they wanted some cheese snack, and they were ecstatic over it. I took it to the dining room to open it for them, and handed them out, one by one. I was thinking that once I got this done, the apple pies had to come out of the oven, and then the sugar-free pumpkin had to go in, on and on, mind running. And up steps little Josiah. to get his cheese snack.
Now this boy is just learning to talk, and most of the time I have to have a translator to understand him, but tonight when I asked him if he wanted a cheese snack, out of the blue, clear as a bell, he said, "Actually, no."
I almost fainted, took a deep breath and said, "What did you say?" And he said it again.
This will be a memory that I will never forget, like remembering when Baby Nate, my first grandson, crawled up behind the steering wheel of the car and when we tried to extricate him, he started screaming "Drive! Drive!" Or when Noah, my second grandson, and I watched a movie, and I listened intently as this 4 year old explained the movie to me, blow by blow, and quoted line for line.
Tomorrow is our family Thanksgiving Feast. I will be off to bed soon, but I am sitting here thinking about those memories that we will be making tomorrow, to go along with the ones we have from before. And how they will all be retold at the dinner table tomorrow, amidst laughter and maybe even a little short sighted jabs at ego's. I am grateful that I get to spend this time with all of them. They are the reason that I have kept on going, through good times and bad.
And now I have a memory to keep forever of Josiah. When someone asks me if I will ever forget it, I can tell them, "Actually, no. " Tonight that little cherub brought me joy in the middle of my Martha Mode and the chaos of my kitchen. He kept me from the bareness of my busy life.
Friday, November 26, 2010
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
Baking, Baking, Baking, breaks in between to shop, busy, busy, busy, not even time to stop to eat. An endless task in front of me that will not end until sometime tomorrow. Guess it must not be endless then, huh?
Socrates said that we should beware
Socrates said that we should beware
Thursday, November 25, 2010
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
November 24, 2010
Yes, more boring work. But I accomplished a lot of it, with very little time to spare. I do not want to have these cases rolling around in my head when I go off to Thanksgiving weekend. Somehow, they haunt me, when they shouldn’t. As one of my friends put it, “If I died at my desk, they would shove me over, and move someone else right in.”
So true, but not at that. They would HAVE to move someone else right in, but I don’t think they would like it. I am so blessed by the people I work with, from the director right down to my co-workers. There is not a day goes by without someone telling me how much they appreciate my work and my team attitude. It almost makes me think that perhaps retirement is not an option at this time. Maybe I am making the wrong decision, maybe this, maybe that.
Then I think about my real reason for deciding to retire. A few months back, I heard a song about following Jesus, being his hands to help, following him to the homes of the broken. My heart stirred at the thought, for that is where my real gift lies. Yes, really. It is not my writing or my painting, although those are wonderful things the Lord has given me. This heart beats stronger and happier every time I help someone else. Even giving a hug to those in the nursing home, just saying hello to them, makes their day, and mine. Those months ago, I felt the Lord calling me to do what He designed me to do. And that was my decision to retire. I was doing none of the things that God had called me to do, working here. There is so much need out there. It is time to put down the work gloves and start to work. Barehanded, with the gift God gave me.
My joy today: Anticipation of the time to come.
Yes, more boring work. But I accomplished a lot of it, with very little time to spare. I do not want to have these cases rolling around in my head when I go off to Thanksgiving weekend. Somehow, they haunt me, when they shouldn’t. As one of my friends put it, “If I died at my desk, they would shove me over, and move someone else right in.”
So true, but not at that. They would HAVE to move someone else right in, but I don’t think they would like it. I am so blessed by the people I work with, from the director right down to my co-workers. There is not a day goes by without someone telling me how much they appreciate my work and my team attitude. It almost makes me think that perhaps retirement is not an option at this time. Maybe I am making the wrong decision, maybe this, maybe that.
Then I think about my real reason for deciding to retire. A few months back, I heard a song about following Jesus, being his hands to help, following him to the homes of the broken. My heart stirred at the thought, for that is where my real gift lies. Yes, really. It is not my writing or my painting, although those are wonderful things the Lord has given me. This heart beats stronger and happier every time I help someone else. Even giving a hug to those in the nursing home, just saying hello to them, makes their day, and mine. Those months ago, I felt the Lord calling me to do what He designed me to do. And that was my decision to retire. I was doing none of the things that God had called me to do, working here. There is so much need out there. It is time to put down the work gloves and start to work. Barehanded, with the gift God gave me.
My joy today: Anticipation of the time to come.
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
November 25, 2010
Today I am off to the Giving Tree to serve lunch and possibly dinner. I am all wired with anticipation. Although I have helped in little ways before, I have never done it cooperatively with a group. This should be a real blessing, I hope more for the ones I serve than for myself. I learned something a few months back, that was a revelation.
There is a man stands out on the corner by my Dad’s church every Sunday morning in his tattered clothing. He has a noticeable limp, making me wonder how that happened. He has a sign that he carries and I can see that the sign is well used. He folds it up around noon and leaves. I have no clue where he goes.
One Sunday on the way to drop my dad at his church, I could hear the Lord telling me to give him some money. Of course, I argued, because all I had on me was a $10.00 bill. In my thinking, I should not give him that much, since perhaps it is the purchase price of a six pack of beer, or even some hard liquor. But I kept hearing that Still, Small voice in my heart saying “give it to him.” I did argue with God a little more, but I was obedient and stopped to give him the money.
The look on his face was priceless. He said, “Are you sure?” and I said “Yes.” If he could have jumped with that bad leg he would have, and the words out of his mouth were,” Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lady! Now I don’t need to stand out here anymore today! God Bless You!”
The realization hit me. God HAD blessed me. God had blessed me even more than He had blessed that man. He blessed me with the opportunity to be His hands, and to see the outcome of the gift. I told the man, “He just did.”
Today, I am going to be blessed beyond measure. This will be my Thanksgiving Day; being blessed to serve God, with each hungry mouth I feed. Thank you, Lord for the opportunity, and the calling!
Today I am off to the Giving Tree to serve lunch and possibly dinner. I am all wired with anticipation. Although I have helped in little ways before, I have never done it cooperatively with a group. This should be a real blessing, I hope more for the ones I serve than for myself. I learned something a few months back, that was a revelation.
There is a man stands out on the corner by my Dad’s church every Sunday morning in his tattered clothing. He has a noticeable limp, making me wonder how that happened. He has a sign that he carries and I can see that the sign is well used. He folds it up around noon and leaves. I have no clue where he goes.
One Sunday on the way to drop my dad at his church, I could hear the Lord telling me to give him some money. Of course, I argued, because all I had on me was a $10.00 bill. In my thinking, I should not give him that much, since perhaps it is the purchase price of a six pack of beer, or even some hard liquor. But I kept hearing that Still, Small voice in my heart saying “give it to him.” I did argue with God a little more, but I was obedient and stopped to give him the money.
The look on his face was priceless. He said, “Are you sure?” and I said “Yes.” If he could have jumped with that bad leg he would have, and the words out of his mouth were,” Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lady! Now I don’t need to stand out here anymore today! God Bless You!”
The realization hit me. God HAD blessed me. God had blessed me even more than He had blessed that man. He blessed me with the opportunity to be His hands, and to see the outcome of the gift. I told the man, “He just did.”
Today, I am going to be blessed beyond measure. This will be my Thanksgiving Day; being blessed to serve God, with each hungry mouth I feed. Thank you, Lord for the opportunity, and the calling!
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
November 25, 2010
Today I am off to the Giving Tree to serve lunch and possibly dinner. I am all wired with anticipation. Although I have helped in little ways before, I have never done it cooperatively with a group. This should be a real blessing, I hope more for the ones I serve than for myself. I learned something a few months back, that was a revelation.
There is a man stands out on the corner by my Dad’s church every Sunday morning, in his tattered clothing. He has a noticeable limp, making me wonder how that happened. He has a sign that he carries, but I can see that that sign is well used. He folds it up around noon and leaves. I have no clue where he goes.
One Sunday on the way to drop my dad at his church, I could hear the Lord telling me to give him some money. Of course, I argued, because all I had on me was a $10.00 bill. Of course, in my thinking, I should not give him that much, since perhaps it is the purchase price of a six pack of beer, or even some hard liquor. But I kept hearing that Still, Small voice in my heart saying “give it to him.” I did argue with God a little more, but I was obedient and stopped to give him the money.
The look on his face was priceless. He said, “Are you sure?” and I said “Yes.” If he could have jumped with that bad leg he would have, and the words out of his mouth were,” Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lady! Now I don’t need to stand out here anymore today! God Bless You!”
The realization hit me. God HAD blessed me. God had blessed me even more than He had blessed that man. He blessed me with the opportunity to be His hands, and to see the outcome of the gift. I told the man, “He just did.”
Today, I am going to be blessed beyond measure. This will be my Thanksgiving Day; being blessed to serve God, with each hungry mouth I feed. Thank you, Lord for the opportunity, and the calling!
Today I am off to the Giving Tree to serve lunch and possibly dinner. I am all wired with anticipation. Although I have helped in little ways before, I have never done it cooperatively with a group. This should be a real blessing, I hope more for the ones I serve than for myself. I learned something a few months back, that was a revelation.
There is a man stands out on the corner by my Dad’s church every Sunday morning, in his tattered clothing. He has a noticeable limp, making me wonder how that happened. He has a sign that he carries, but I can see that that sign is well used. He folds it up around noon and leaves. I have no clue where he goes.
One Sunday on the way to drop my dad at his church, I could hear the Lord telling me to give him some money. Of course, I argued, because all I had on me was a $10.00 bill. Of course, in my thinking, I should not give him that much, since perhaps it is the purchase price of a six pack of beer, or even some hard liquor. But I kept hearing that Still, Small voice in my heart saying “give it to him.” I did argue with God a little more, but I was obedient and stopped to give him the money.
The look on his face was priceless. He said, “Are you sure?” and I said “Yes.” If he could have jumped with that bad leg he would have, and the words out of his mouth were,” Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lady! Now I don’t need to stand out here anymore today! God Bless You!”
The realization hit me. God HAD blessed me. God had blessed me even more than He had blessed that man. He blessed me with the opportunity to be His hands, and to see the outcome of the gift. I told the man, “He just did.”
Today, I am going to be blessed beyond measure. This will be my Thanksgiving Day; being blessed to serve God, with each hungry mouth I feed. Thank you, Lord for the opportunity, and the calling!
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
November 23, 2010
Today was a day for work, work and more work. Sometimes my work is so boring it lulls me off to sleep, and other times it is so frustrating that I want to scream and beat something. But the thing is I HAVE work to do, that pays me well, and that is something that many people don’t have these days. Not that I am wealthy, but I have enough. Enough to pay the bills, buy food and clothing, and live somewhere inside.
There are so many homeless people out on our streets. I see them everywhere. But I took notice of one particular one this week. He stands out on a corner by a street that I drive by every day on my way to the nursing home. He has used the same cardboard sign for months that says “Hungry.” At first I thought, yeah right, just like all the rest, making a killing off of panhandling. But today he looked much thinner, noticeably, and sad. I stopped for a second in the turn lane to give him a couple of dollars and off he ran to McDonalds. He can’t be more than 19 or so, and I wonder where his mother and father are. If he has any.
This is not a joyful subject for me. I have worked years in the welfare business, gained and lost the attitude of “so what” in a hundred different ways. But seeing that boy in transition, from healthy to skin and bones, made me think about what I should be doing, instead of trying to wish the homeless ones away. After all, I am just one paycheck away from that at any given time.
I thought about Thanksgiving, all the preparations, the sitting down at the table with my family, the blessings we all have, and the love, and realized this boy will have none of that. But what could I do about it?
There is something I can do. I called The Giving Tree, a local group that feeds the homeless and provides things that they need, plus a shelter. I signed myself up to go serve dinner. They said if I wanted to bring some food, they would be more than happy to accept it.
My joy today: offering my Thanksgiving Day up for service.
Today was a day for work, work and more work. Sometimes my work is so boring it lulls me off to sleep, and other times it is so frustrating that I want to scream and beat something. But the thing is I HAVE work to do, that pays me well, and that is something that many people don’t have these days. Not that I am wealthy, but I have enough. Enough to pay the bills, buy food and clothing, and live somewhere inside.
There are so many homeless people out on our streets. I see them everywhere. But I took notice of one particular one this week. He stands out on a corner by a street that I drive by every day on my way to the nursing home. He has used the same cardboard sign for months that says “Hungry.” At first I thought, yeah right, just like all the rest, making a killing off of panhandling. But today he looked much thinner, noticeably, and sad. I stopped for a second in the turn lane to give him a couple of dollars and off he ran to McDonalds. He can’t be more than 19 or so, and I wonder where his mother and father are. If he has any.
This is not a joyful subject for me. I have worked years in the welfare business, gained and lost the attitude of “so what” in a hundred different ways. But seeing that boy in transition, from healthy to skin and bones, made me think about what I should be doing, instead of trying to wish the homeless ones away. After all, I am just one paycheck away from that at any given time.
I thought about Thanksgiving, all the preparations, the sitting down at the table with my family, the blessings we all have, and the love, and realized this boy will have none of that. But what could I do about it?
There is something I can do. I called The Giving Tree, a local group that feeds the homeless and provides things that they need, plus a shelter. I signed myself up to go serve dinner. They said if I wanted to bring some food, they would be more than happy to accept it.
My joy today: offering my Thanksgiving Day up for service.
Monday, November 22, 2010
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
There was an old house that sat out on a vacant farm down by the river where I grew up. It seemed to be falling down, and it was apparent that no one had lived there in decades. The local farmers didn't even use it to store equipment in. It just sat there with gaping windows, leaning to one side in the front, and the other side in the back. The weeds had grown up all around it so tall that they looked like they had been planted there. You could not even see the foundation of that old house. We used to say that it was haunted, because. of course, children must have something to stimulate their flights of fancy.
Being the adventurous child that I was, I ventured in the old place one sunny afternoon. The porch creaked beneath my feet, but did not break, and the old screen door opened with squeaky hinges, even though it was very clear that no one had set a hand on that door in ages. Inside, through the dusty windows, I could look out across the Colorado prairie, see the hills in the distance. From the back porch, by the place that looked like it must have been the kitchen, I could see Pikes Peak from the window. There were some tatters of what must have been old lace curtains hanging from an old curtain rod. The dust had to have been at least 4 or 5 inches deep, belying the fact that no one had been there, and not one foot print in the dust, with the exception of mine. I made a quick scan of the place, with my child eyes, but saw no evidence of ghosts or any other goblin type creature. There was an old iron bed with bare springs in the only bedroom, and a few other things laying around that indicated that at some point, this place had been someone's home. I felt sort of like I had violated some long lost privacy, so decided that I had better head home. But later on in my adventures, this little shack of a house would prove a refuge from a thunderstorm, and shade in the hot sun. I don't think anyone ever went there besides myself, and my little faithful horse.
I noticed something about that old house. Even though it leaned sort of funny to one side, all the doors opened, and I suppose the windows would have too. It had apparently been built by someone who knew their carpentry, and who had provided this little house with a good foundation, even though that was well hidden by the overgrown weeds. It has been over 40 years since I was at that house, but I noticed it was still there when I went back in September. It is what my grandfather used to call " a house with good bones." meaning it had been built on a good foundation, with time taken to put it together right.
I am thinking about that old house tonight, after a tearful journey back home from the nursing home. So much suffering there, so little hope. I pray please dear Lord for this one and for that one, and please Lord help them because no one else can. I am stirred by their suffering, and for some reason it makes me think of that old house. They all look like they are falling apart, but they are still standing. At least some of them are.
I am trying to find some joy in this tonight, and finding it hard, but I can hear the scriptures in my heart, saying "The Joy of the Lord is my strength." I am sad, for my father to be there, for any of those people to be there, and the outcome to the world is that their plight is a hopeless one. There is only one way out of that place, and that is in a box.
And then I feel it, that knowing inside of me, that is so deep that I cannot even at times express it. This is not the end of them, or of me. This world we call home, this thing we call our life, is only a stop on our journey, and we will travel past this layover to brighter places. This is all in the Lord's hands and in His time, for each of them, and for all of us.
No, I am definitely not happy tonight. But I find that, like that old house, I have a foundation that is sure, that sometimes can't be seen because of all the other things that have grown up around it. It was built by God, to keep me strong and steady, standing, even if I do lean a bit to the south. That foundation is my sure hope in Jesus, in all He did for me and for the world, and that God has a plan for every life, to prosper them, for good, and not for evil.
Tonight I know I saw at least the southeast corner of my foundation. In spite of sorrow and suffering, the Joy of the Lord is my strength.
Being the adventurous child that I was, I ventured in the old place one sunny afternoon. The porch creaked beneath my feet, but did not break, and the old screen door opened with squeaky hinges, even though it was very clear that no one had set a hand on that door in ages. Inside, through the dusty windows, I could look out across the Colorado prairie, see the hills in the distance. From the back porch, by the place that looked like it must have been the kitchen, I could see Pikes Peak from the window. There were some tatters of what must have been old lace curtains hanging from an old curtain rod. The dust had to have been at least 4 or 5 inches deep, belying the fact that no one had been there, and not one foot print in the dust, with the exception of mine. I made a quick scan of the place, with my child eyes, but saw no evidence of ghosts or any other goblin type creature. There was an old iron bed with bare springs in the only bedroom, and a few other things laying around that indicated that at some point, this place had been someone's home. I felt sort of like I had violated some long lost privacy, so decided that I had better head home. But later on in my adventures, this little shack of a house would prove a refuge from a thunderstorm, and shade in the hot sun. I don't think anyone ever went there besides myself, and my little faithful horse.
I noticed something about that old house. Even though it leaned sort of funny to one side, all the doors opened, and I suppose the windows would have too. It had apparently been built by someone who knew their carpentry, and who had provided this little house with a good foundation, even though that was well hidden by the overgrown weeds. It has been over 40 years since I was at that house, but I noticed it was still there when I went back in September. It is what my grandfather used to call " a house with good bones." meaning it had been built on a good foundation, with time taken to put it together right.
I am thinking about that old house tonight, after a tearful journey back home from the nursing home. So much suffering there, so little hope. I pray please dear Lord for this one and for that one, and please Lord help them because no one else can. I am stirred by their suffering, and for some reason it makes me think of that old house. They all look like they are falling apart, but they are still standing. At least some of them are.
I am trying to find some joy in this tonight, and finding it hard, but I can hear the scriptures in my heart, saying "The Joy of the Lord is my strength." I am sad, for my father to be there, for any of those people to be there, and the outcome to the world is that their plight is a hopeless one. There is only one way out of that place, and that is in a box.
And then I feel it, that knowing inside of me, that is so deep that I cannot even at times express it. This is not the end of them, or of me. This world we call home, this thing we call our life, is only a stop on our journey, and we will travel past this layover to brighter places. This is all in the Lord's hands and in His time, for each of them, and for all of us.
No, I am definitely not happy tonight. But I find that, like that old house, I have a foundation that is sure, that sometimes can't be seen because of all the other things that have grown up around it. It was built by God, to keep me strong and steady, standing, even if I do lean a bit to the south. That foundation is my sure hope in Jesus, in all He did for me and for the world, and that God has a plan for every life, to prosper them, for good, and not for evil.
Tonight I know I saw at least the southeast corner of my foundation. In spite of sorrow and suffering, the Joy of the Lord is my strength.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
Lazy day today. I took Dad to church, then went grocery shopping for Thanksgiving dinner, then back to clean house, then off to Michael's to cash in on that sale on art supplies. It still feels like I didn't accomplish much. Perhaps I am viewing myself in the light of my former days, when I worked sun up to sun down, and accomplished a weeks worth of work in a day. But today was supposed to be a day of rest, and I didn't.
Yes, I did manage to sneak in a nap between the shopping and the cleaning. Yes, I managed to watch a little TV. You all already know that I used all my energy playing Treasure Isle. And yet no feeling of accomplishment.
What exactly does a day of rest mean? Is it sitting around with someone watching TV? Is it skipping the housework? Is it putting off to tomorrow what I could do today? I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I know eventually I will.
In light of all that, I was feeling king of blah. Not unhappy, not discontent, just blah. This may be one of those days, I thought, where it might be hard to find joy in the day. But then again, joy is something that is not ethereal depending on my feelings. So where is that joy today? Is it under my feet? Under my nose and I can't seem to get to the depth of my soul to find it?
I certainly didn't find it in keeping busy. Or in being lazy. Or in anything that I had done myself. It is not anywhere on some channel on TV. I can't seem to find it in listening to the radio. Where was it today?
And then a song came on the radio. "It's Your love, Your love, reaches to the heavens, It's your love, your love, that's all I have to give. It's your love, your love that lights up the darkness, It's your love, all I ever needed is your love." Thank God for His love, and Brandon Heath for his song. This song helped me find my joy today.
It is His love for me. His love that reaches out to me every minute of my life. His love that is with me and has never left me. I didn't do anything to deserve it, I can't buy it, It is not something that any attribute I have will ever win. He just loves me. Just like I am.
That is today's Joy! Joy that is concrete, reliable, undeniable. Something that no feeling can ever replace. God's love!
Yes, I did manage to sneak in a nap between the shopping and the cleaning. Yes, I managed to watch a little TV. You all already know that I used all my energy playing Treasure Isle. And yet no feeling of accomplishment.
What exactly does a day of rest mean? Is it sitting around with someone watching TV? Is it skipping the housework? Is it putting off to tomorrow what I could do today? I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I know eventually I will.
In light of all that, I was feeling king of blah. Not unhappy, not discontent, just blah. This may be one of those days, I thought, where it might be hard to find joy in the day. But then again, joy is something that is not ethereal depending on my feelings. So where is that joy today? Is it under my feet? Under my nose and I can't seem to get to the depth of my soul to find it?
I certainly didn't find it in keeping busy. Or in being lazy. Or in anything that I had done myself. It is not anywhere on some channel on TV. I can't seem to find it in listening to the radio. Where was it today?
And then a song came on the radio. "It's Your love, Your love, reaches to the heavens, It's your love, your love, that's all I have to give. It's your love, your love that lights up the darkness, It's your love, all I ever needed is your love." Thank God for His love, and Brandon Heath for his song. This song helped me find my joy today.
It is His love for me. His love that reaches out to me every minute of my life. His love that is with me and has never left me. I didn't do anything to deserve it, I can't buy it, It is not something that any attribute I have will ever win. He just loves me. Just like I am.
That is today's Joy! Joy that is concrete, reliable, undeniable. Something that no feeling can ever replace. God's love!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
A usual Saturday today. Got up, made a list of all I wanted to accomplish today. Then I thought about all those gift cards I had to Michael's and that canvases were on sale, and then I lost my motivation for all things common.
So off to lunch with old friends, off to Michael's to buy canvases and paint and so many things that I wanted. But as I walked through, I kept telling myself, do I really need that today, since tomorrow is really the sale day? I loaded my cart up with all the wonderful colors that I had been wanting to buy, then unloaded everything, and went off to Big Lots to see what they had. And wandered through there, telling myself, I don't need this, I don't need that, I REALLY didn't need another toy for the dog. And again, left with nothing. ( I am practicing frugality for my retirement days.)
Then off to Best Buy, where we DID buy a new router, but that only took 10 minutes. Then off to the nursing home to see Dad and pick up his laundry, then home. I am beat, my leg is killing me, and I never accomplished anything!
So I went outside to sulk about all I will have to do tomorrow to make up for what I didn't do today. The sun was setting, and the sky was a bright golden-orange streak against a bright blue sky. Typical, although I did notice how God had shadowed the mountains in the distance in his every day painting. I let my eyes wander across the colors of the mountain, past the sunset, and that was when I saw the most glorious thing.
Sky, deep blue. Mountains, purple and pink, colored with gold from the sunset. Wisps of gray clouds with bright gold and pink highlights. And a big shadowy moon. So beautiful it took my breath away.
I imagine that when Martha was busy, busy, busy, she was like I was today. List in hand, striking off the things that had to be done and feeling like she hadn't accomplished much that day. Watching Mary sitting at Jesus feet, she "corrected" the Lord, and told Him he should be telling Mary to help her.
But Jesus had other things in mind for Martha, which He let her know Mary had already found. That sitting at the feet of the Master is a more perfect work than completing all the lists in the world.
Tonight I tore up my list, and sat at the feet of the Master.
So off to lunch with old friends, off to Michael's to buy canvases and paint and so many things that I wanted. But as I walked through, I kept telling myself, do I really need that today, since tomorrow is really the sale day? I loaded my cart up with all the wonderful colors that I had been wanting to buy, then unloaded everything, and went off to Big Lots to see what they had. And wandered through there, telling myself, I don't need this, I don't need that, I REALLY didn't need another toy for the dog. And again, left with nothing. ( I am practicing frugality for my retirement days.)
Then off to Best Buy, where we DID buy a new router, but that only took 10 minutes. Then off to the nursing home to see Dad and pick up his laundry, then home. I am beat, my leg is killing me, and I never accomplished anything!
So I went outside to sulk about all I will have to do tomorrow to make up for what I didn't do today. The sun was setting, and the sky was a bright golden-orange streak against a bright blue sky. Typical, although I did notice how God had shadowed the mountains in the distance in his every day painting. I let my eyes wander across the colors of the mountain, past the sunset, and that was when I saw the most glorious thing.
Sky, deep blue. Mountains, purple and pink, colored with gold from the sunset. Wisps of gray clouds with bright gold and pink highlights. And a big shadowy moon. So beautiful it took my breath away.
I imagine that when Martha was busy, busy, busy, she was like I was today. List in hand, striking off the things that had to be done and feeling like she hadn't accomplished much that day. Watching Mary sitting at Jesus feet, she "corrected" the Lord, and told Him he should be telling Mary to help her.
But Jesus had other things in mind for Martha, which He let her know Mary had already found. That sitting at the feet of the Master is a more perfect work than completing all the lists in the world.
Tonight I tore up my list, and sat at the feet of the Master.
365 days, a journey to find joy in every day!
This is day 8. First day of week two. It was a long, long day. So long in fact, that I was falling asleep at my desk, buried under a pile of paperwork. Apparently applying for retirement is a long drawn out process, which no one is really sure about. Someone sent me papers to fill out, which I did, then said, no those were the wrong papers, I will send you more. Besides actually doing the work I have to do, I was caught up in what box do I mark where, and who does it go to. No wonder some people keep working until they die.
However, the joy in this day is that it is FRIDAY!!! And once I am off work, I can shut it all down, and rejoice in my freedom. Ah, an entire weekend of freedom. Or so I think. There is always something comes up, so I am sure I won't be completely free. Only mostly free. Which reminds me of a line in a movie that I really love, "The Princess Bride". One of the characters is apparently an expert on death. And he finds someone who looks dead, but confirms that he is not "All dead, just mostly dead." That is how I am feeling at this minute. Not all dead, just mostly dead. And then I remember that I am not dead at all. And today is Friday. And tomorrow I will think that I am free. I might not be, but I will think that.
And then I think of the most important freedom of all. The freedom I have in Christ. I am not bound by rigorous religious lines that say I can't do this, and I can't do that, because in Christ I am free to do all things. Although somethings might not be profitable for me, I am free to do them. And that brings me to the thought of all those unprofitable things that I have done before, and later said "Boy, I should not have done that." And that brings my mind back to Friday. Most of those things occurred in celebration of Friday. Perhaps I shall just stay in tonight. And be smart about Friday. Lay on the couch and play "mostly dead." before someone catches on to me.
As you can see, a long week at work has my mind running in circles. And now I am back to the freedom I have in Christ, to blog anything I want, at the risk of burning circles in everyone's brain, and further damaging my own.
However, tonight I think I will just rest in my freedom. That will be my joy. I am free, and it's Friday.
However, the joy in this day is that it is FRIDAY!!! And once I am off work, I can shut it all down, and rejoice in my freedom. Ah, an entire weekend of freedom. Or so I think. There is always something comes up, so I am sure I won't be completely free. Only mostly free. Which reminds me of a line in a movie that I really love, "The Princess Bride". One of the characters is apparently an expert on death. And he finds someone who looks dead, but confirms that he is not "All dead, just mostly dead." That is how I am feeling at this minute. Not all dead, just mostly dead. And then I remember that I am not dead at all. And today is Friday. And tomorrow I will think that I am free. I might not be, but I will think that.
And then I think of the most important freedom of all. The freedom I have in Christ. I am not bound by rigorous religious lines that say I can't do this, and I can't do that, because in Christ I am free to do all things. Although somethings might not be profitable for me, I am free to do them. And that brings me to the thought of all those unprofitable things that I have done before, and later said "Boy, I should not have done that." And that brings my mind back to Friday. Most of those things occurred in celebration of Friday. Perhaps I shall just stay in tonight. And be smart about Friday. Lay on the couch and play "mostly dead." before someone catches on to me.
As you can see, a long week at work has my mind running in circles. And now I am back to the freedom I have in Christ, to blog anything I want, at the risk of burning circles in everyone's brain, and further damaging my own.
However, tonight I think I will just rest in my freedom. That will be my joy. I am free, and it's Friday.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Finding a new Title??? DAY 7 of my journey to find joy every day.
I was up late last night. I googled my blog to see if I could get to it, just by googling the title. Guess what. Everyone is finding joy. So any suggestions on a title would be greatly appreciated.
On the other side of the coin of sleeplessness and paranoia that the Plagiarism Police will hunt me down, I attended a retirement party today that was amazing. Mostly because it was for me. Yes, I filed those papers on Monday, and 1/1/11 is my first official day of retirement. I figured it would be easy to remember. Now watch me forget it anyway.
Seated around a table with friends that I have had lunch with over the course of the last 28 years, it felt very natural. We do this often. Even some of those that have retired were there. So perhaps retirement doesn't mean they buy you a gold watch and send you on your way. I am trying hard to figure this thing out. I haven't been in this position for many long years. The position of figuring out what you are going to do with your life, I mean.
And although it seems a daunting task is ahead of me, for today, I was caught up in the camaraderie of being with my friends. I have spent more time with these women over the course of my life than I have with my parents, siblings, and children. We have shared all of the sorrows and joys of life, death of parents, birth of children, birth of grandchildren, break ups, make ups, and throw ups. They know all my secrets, failures, and faults. And they still love me. That is the most amazing thing to me. To be loved for who I am, not what I do, or don't do. To be accepted as I am, and praised for who I am. To be open enough with them to share the deepest feelings in my heart, and not be afraid that I will be condemned for even the worst of them. These few women have shown me wisdom when I had none, tolerance when I was foolish enough to get involved in stupid things. They have held my hand when I was sick, held my heart when I was sad. And still kept loving me. In short, they have been the hands and feet of Christ in my life, showing me eternal things. I hope that they feel that I have done the same for them.
On my way home from the get-together, I had a smile on my face big enough to stop traffic. I have been listening to J.J. Heller's new song about being loved for who you are. And of course, God was kind enough to play it for me on the trip home. I can't think of a better song to describe how most of us have felt over the course of our lives. Who will love us for who we are? He who created us!
And He doesn't stop there. He knows just where to put us and those who will surround us with their love, so we will be able to know what love really means.
Girls, thank you all for such a wonderful send off. Of course, although I may leave my employment to follow other paths, I will never be able to leave you all. You are my sisters. In every way shape and form.
On the other side of the coin of sleeplessness and paranoia that the Plagiarism Police will hunt me down, I attended a retirement party today that was amazing. Mostly because it was for me. Yes, I filed those papers on Monday, and 1/1/11 is my first official day of retirement. I figured it would be easy to remember. Now watch me forget it anyway.
Seated around a table with friends that I have had lunch with over the course of the last 28 years, it felt very natural. We do this often. Even some of those that have retired were there. So perhaps retirement doesn't mean they buy you a gold watch and send you on your way. I am trying hard to figure this thing out. I haven't been in this position for many long years. The position of figuring out what you are going to do with your life, I mean.
And although it seems a daunting task is ahead of me, for today, I was caught up in the camaraderie of being with my friends. I have spent more time with these women over the course of my life than I have with my parents, siblings, and children. We have shared all of the sorrows and joys of life, death of parents, birth of children, birth of grandchildren, break ups, make ups, and throw ups. They know all my secrets, failures, and faults. And they still love me. That is the most amazing thing to me. To be loved for who I am, not what I do, or don't do. To be accepted as I am, and praised for who I am. To be open enough with them to share the deepest feelings in my heart, and not be afraid that I will be condemned for even the worst of them. These few women have shown me wisdom when I had none, tolerance when I was foolish enough to get involved in stupid things. They have held my hand when I was sick, held my heart when I was sad. And still kept loving me. In short, they have been the hands and feet of Christ in my life, showing me eternal things. I hope that they feel that I have done the same for them.
On my way home from the get-together, I had a smile on my face big enough to stop traffic. I have been listening to J.J. Heller's new song about being loved for who you are. And of course, God was kind enough to play it for me on the trip home. I can't think of a better song to describe how most of us have felt over the course of our lives. Who will love us for who we are? He who created us!
And He doesn't stop there. He knows just where to put us and those who will surround us with their love, so we will be able to know what love really means.
Girls, thank you all for such a wonderful send off. Of course, although I may leave my employment to follow other paths, I will never be able to leave you all. You are my sisters. In every way shape and form.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Finding Joy day 6
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to reap, a time to love, a time to hate...
Words to a song that I sang at the top of my lungs back in the day. No, I won't say what day that was. But it was so long ago that fashion has gone around at least 10 times, and is now back again.
A time to everything. A time for love, hate, joy, peace. Today was my time for waiting. Well, another one of them. No, not waiting for the mailman, not waiting for a package from UPS. Not waiting for a person to show up who is late. Waiting, sitting on the clock actually, for my computer to do something.
Apparently hitting it doesn't work. Inanimate objects have no feelings, or so they say. However, I do believe that if it could have stuck a tongue out at me, it would have. I had one of those difficult cases to complete today, and it was TIME to complete it, and I was ready to complete it, but the computer just kept giving me its little hourglass. I know that somewhere, behind that screen, is some little man with a grin on his face video taping all of my responses to my frustration, getting ready to put it up on viral video somewhere. In light of that, I decided to play some music while I waited, and what popped up? Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds. I started singing. Pretty soon my foot was tapping, and I began to sway in my office chair. And as I let the music soothe my frazzled spirit, the thought occurred to me that half of our lives are spent waiting to do something, sometimes anything, and that so far it hasn't killed me, or anyone else I know of. I decided that I had better behave myself and act like who I am supposed to be, a child of the King.
The scripture says that those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. But notice, that it says waiting upon the Lord. It does not mention waiting in traffic, or in line at the grocery store, or over at the motor vehicle division. It is not an inactive word, this waiting that the Bible tells of. It is an active word. It implies that we are busy doing something else, while we are hoping, praying, and yes, waiting, for God to work in our lives. And yet it still means to wait.
I prayed for something to happen a few years back. There had been a row in our family, and the parties involved were not only not speaking to each other, they were avoiding family gatherings if they thought the other party was showing up, and even avoiding the part of town the other party lived in. Although I could not understand why they didn't just kiss and make up, and although I tried with all my being to get them to forgive each other, nothing worked. This was something that only God could do; work out the differences between their hearts.
Oh, Yes, I did try to fix it. My waiting was more like encircling the camp and forcing the captives to concede to my victory. It didn't work. There are after all things that are not within my (or your) power to perform. Then I tried the run to Daddy and cry and whine tactic. I prayed, I wept, I worried, I watched. In all of that, I had yet to learn to wait on God. When I finally gave up, and stopped counting how long it was that I had given up, and lost track of who said what when, God just up and did His amazing work.
My family members are talking now, making up for lost time, and it was nice to be at dinner with them all, hug them all, kiss them all, and no fights broke out. But the best thing of all was this: God fulfilled His promise to me!! All I had to do was wait! Truth be told, it took three years, and I could say that God was late, but apparently that is not the case. For Him to work this miracle in my family, to see hearts changed and lives changed and love grow, is a miracle! And miracles don't happen overnight. Sometimes you have to wait.
Today, I find my joy in waiting for you, Lord.
Words to a song that I sang at the top of my lungs back in the day. No, I won't say what day that was. But it was so long ago that fashion has gone around at least 10 times, and is now back again.
A time to everything. A time for love, hate, joy, peace. Today was my time for waiting. Well, another one of them. No, not waiting for the mailman, not waiting for a package from UPS. Not waiting for a person to show up who is late. Waiting, sitting on the clock actually, for my computer to do something.
Apparently hitting it doesn't work. Inanimate objects have no feelings, or so they say. However, I do believe that if it could have stuck a tongue out at me, it would have. I had one of those difficult cases to complete today, and it was TIME to complete it, and I was ready to complete it, but the computer just kept giving me its little hourglass. I know that somewhere, behind that screen, is some little man with a grin on his face video taping all of my responses to my frustration, getting ready to put it up on viral video somewhere. In light of that, I decided to play some music while I waited, and what popped up? Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds. I started singing. Pretty soon my foot was tapping, and I began to sway in my office chair. And as I let the music soothe my frazzled spirit, the thought occurred to me that half of our lives are spent waiting to do something, sometimes anything, and that so far it hasn't killed me, or anyone else I know of. I decided that I had better behave myself and act like who I am supposed to be, a child of the King.
The scripture says that those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. But notice, that it says waiting upon the Lord. It does not mention waiting in traffic, or in line at the grocery store, or over at the motor vehicle division. It is not an inactive word, this waiting that the Bible tells of. It is an active word. It implies that we are busy doing something else, while we are hoping, praying, and yes, waiting, for God to work in our lives. And yet it still means to wait.
I prayed for something to happen a few years back. There had been a row in our family, and the parties involved were not only not speaking to each other, they were avoiding family gatherings if they thought the other party was showing up, and even avoiding the part of town the other party lived in. Although I could not understand why they didn't just kiss and make up, and although I tried with all my being to get them to forgive each other, nothing worked. This was something that only God could do; work out the differences between their hearts.
Oh, Yes, I did try to fix it. My waiting was more like encircling the camp and forcing the captives to concede to my victory. It didn't work. There are after all things that are not within my (or your) power to perform. Then I tried the run to Daddy and cry and whine tactic. I prayed, I wept, I worried, I watched. In all of that, I had yet to learn to wait on God. When I finally gave up, and stopped counting how long it was that I had given up, and lost track of who said what when, God just up and did His amazing work.
My family members are talking now, making up for lost time, and it was nice to be at dinner with them all, hug them all, kiss them all, and no fights broke out. But the best thing of all was this: God fulfilled His promise to me!! All I had to do was wait! Truth be told, it took three years, and I could say that God was late, but apparently that is not the case. For Him to work this miracle in my family, to see hearts changed and lives changed and love grow, is a miracle! And miracles don't happen overnight. Sometimes you have to wait.
Today, I find my joy in waiting for you, Lord.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Finding Joy day 5
Time is a bandit. He came by and stole my morning today. I woke up, sleepy, stretched, started working, accomplished little and now it is already 10:30! He seems to have a real knack for that;Time that is.
It seems he steals a lot of things more than mornings. He steals our youth, our children, our ability to work and think. Just yesterday he stole my cell phone. Or my memory of where I put it.
Ever have one of those days? Or a string of them? Where you can't find something you just had, like your keys, or your purse, or your cell phone? Or the thought of what you were just thinking? That is Time at work, secretly stealing your brain cells.
On my hunt for my cell phone, I looked all the usual places. I had left it on vibrate, so without being close to it, I couldn't discern its whereabouts. I picked up the house phone to call it, but nothing. Then the dog started barking. That not only distracted me, but it annoyed me. I kept telling her to be quiet so I could hear it, but apparently she doesn't speak English. Or Human. I tried this calling thing over and over, dog barking, then the cat started howling for both of us to stop. This was turning out to be a comedy of errors. And I was getting frustrated, thinking Time had stole my joy today. And all over a lousy piece of technology that doesn't get service half the time.
I finally decided that I had to do something about the dog's barking or I would never find my phone, so I went into the living room where she was going crazy, and saw that she was barking at my purse. Stupid dog. I shushed her, then called the phone again. You got it. My purse started vibrating. The phone was right where you would expect it to be, and the dog knew it, and the cat knew it. I was apparently the only one who had no clue.
I could have accused Time again for my own ineptitude. Or I could laugh at myself. Or the dog and cat. I had a choice to make. Would I allow my frustration to steal my joy or would I see myself as someone else might see me, and chuckle? I decided that although Time is a bandit, there is one thing he cannot steal. My joy! And I laughed at the entire escapade. I am writing this down now, so that Time won't steal my memory of it.
After all, my Father (the one in Heaven, not the one in the nursing home), lives outside of time and circumstance. He is really the one in charge of all things, even my faulty memory. If I trust Him, that He is doing good things for me, that His plans for me are as He says they are, how can I let something inanimate, like Time, steal my joy!
It seems he steals a lot of things more than mornings. He steals our youth, our children, our ability to work and think. Just yesterday he stole my cell phone. Or my memory of where I put it.
Ever have one of those days? Or a string of them? Where you can't find something you just had, like your keys, or your purse, or your cell phone? Or the thought of what you were just thinking? That is Time at work, secretly stealing your brain cells.
On my hunt for my cell phone, I looked all the usual places. I had left it on vibrate, so without being close to it, I couldn't discern its whereabouts. I picked up the house phone to call it, but nothing. Then the dog started barking. That not only distracted me, but it annoyed me. I kept telling her to be quiet so I could hear it, but apparently she doesn't speak English. Or Human. I tried this calling thing over and over, dog barking, then the cat started howling for both of us to stop. This was turning out to be a comedy of errors. And I was getting frustrated, thinking Time had stole my joy today. And all over a lousy piece of technology that doesn't get service half the time.
I finally decided that I had to do something about the dog's barking or I would never find my phone, so I went into the living room where she was going crazy, and saw that she was barking at my purse. Stupid dog. I shushed her, then called the phone again. You got it. My purse started vibrating. The phone was right where you would expect it to be, and the dog knew it, and the cat knew it. I was apparently the only one who had no clue.
I could have accused Time again for my own ineptitude. Or I could laugh at myself. Or the dog and cat. I had a choice to make. Would I allow my frustration to steal my joy or would I see myself as someone else might see me, and chuckle? I decided that although Time is a bandit, there is one thing he cannot steal. My joy! And I laughed at the entire escapade. I am writing this down now, so that Time won't steal my memory of it.
After all, my Father (the one in Heaven, not the one in the nursing home), lives outside of time and circumstance. He is really the one in charge of all things, even my faulty memory. If I trust Him, that He is doing good things for me, that His plans for me are as He says they are, how can I let something inanimate, like Time, steal my joy!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Finding Joy
Day 4. Awake at 3 Am. Would love to sleep in. I envy the dog and cat this morning, able to sleep at the drop of a hat, any time of day. So far, and we are only 2 hours and 43 minutes into it, this day is one of those I knew would come when I decided to take this challenge.
I have heard it said so many times over the course of my lifetime. Know your enemy. My enemy knows me well. He knows I hate Monday. He knows that I am attempting to be joyful this morning. He knows I had a full weekend, and He intends to upset my applecart today. And many more to come. He is planning on dancing on my head this morning, and making me think inglorious thoughts, and doubt myself.
He knows me too well. But I know Him enough, and that is all I need. I recognize when he may attack me, what methods he uses, and I am armed. True, my ability in resisting his attacks is very minimal. But I have a Father in heaven, who made him and who knows just what the plan is.
So there. That is my joy for today. In spite of the pain in my leg, and the worries in my head, I have someone who knows me better than I know myself, and has a plan for my life, for good and not for evil.
So THERE!!!
PS. The OH-NO showed up tonight at my door. Actually, I was the OH-NO, making scary noises to see if Piper the Pup would bark when she heard a noise. I had started this game with her last week, where I would shout loudly "OH-NO!" and she would get up and look around wildly to see what was wrong. Now when I say "OH-NO!" she is on red alert.
I felt kind of bad about it later, although she is funny when she goes looking for the OH-NO. She was scared, of nothing. Or something that she doesn't know about. Or something she can't see.
Like me this morning. Oh-NO!
One more piece of joy, laughing at myself.
I have heard it said so many times over the course of my lifetime. Know your enemy. My enemy knows me well. He knows I hate Monday. He knows that I am attempting to be joyful this morning. He knows I had a full weekend, and He intends to upset my applecart today. And many more to come. He is planning on dancing on my head this morning, and making me think inglorious thoughts, and doubt myself.
He knows me too well. But I know Him enough, and that is all I need. I recognize when he may attack me, what methods he uses, and I am armed. True, my ability in resisting his attacks is very minimal. But I have a Father in heaven, who made him and who knows just what the plan is.
So there. That is my joy for today. In spite of the pain in my leg, and the worries in my head, I have someone who knows me better than I know myself, and has a plan for my life, for good and not for evil.
So THERE!!!
PS. The OH-NO showed up tonight at my door. Actually, I was the OH-NO, making scary noises to see if Piper the Pup would bark when she heard a noise. I had started this game with her last week, where I would shout loudly "OH-NO!" and she would get up and look around wildly to see what was wrong. Now when I say "OH-NO!" she is on red alert.
I felt kind of bad about it later, although she is funny when she goes looking for the OH-NO. She was scared, of nothing. Or something that she doesn't know about. Or something she can't see.
Like me this morning. Oh-NO!
One more piece of joy, laughing at myself.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Finding Joy
Day 3. This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!
That is not just for today. That is for every day. Today is Sunday, the Lord's day, and as I step out into the cold of the morning, in my bare feet, coffee in hand, shirt sleeves only, I am reminded of this one thing. Cold, Heat, Rain, Sun, Storms, God made them all. For a reason. So I decide that I will embrace the cold, and brave it in bare feet and shirt sleeves.
The sun is rising, thin clouds embracing the colors of the day. As I stand there shivering, I can hear my grandmother's voice saying"Girl! put your shoes and coat on!" I embrace the memory of her long lost voice and it's chiding tone.
My eyes see color everywhere. Red, gold, of the new rising sun. Pale blue of the sky, gray of the fading night. My skin prickles against the cold of the breeze. The scent of a hint of rain wafts in the breeze. Morning again. Just as with every day of my life, morning has arrived, and with it the anticipation of a new day, and what it may bring. I am taken back in time to when I was a child once again. Those days when I had no wishes, but only anticipation of what the day would bring.
I have no wishes today. I am blessed with a home, food, clothing, a beautiful sunrise, all my senses are stirred. I am content. In this, I find a sacred joy, a peace.
But what of those with no home, no food, no clothing, no sight, no senses? I know they are out there. And God reminds me of this. I am His hands and feet. I am His heart shown to the world today. And now I have a wish. Let me find just one, Lord. Let me be your comfort in his need, let me be your shelter in her homelessness. Let me be your heart to one who is hurting. Let that be my joy today.
PS.
Apparently, God knows how inept I can be, and so He promptly answered my prayer today. It seems those things that you look so hard to find are right under your nose.
I went to pick up my Dad and took him to church this morning. On the way, he let me know that his room mate at the nursing home was very sad because I had not been in, except briefly, for a couple of days.
Steven is just my age. Only 58. From what I can discern, he has been in the nursing home at least 4 years, and maybe more. He had been living at home with his mother, but when she died, his sister sent him off to the nursing home. I have been visiting there nearly every day for the past year, and have never seen her. In fact, I have only seen one person, at one visit, who ever came to see Steven.
He was in a hit and run pedestrian accident those long years ago, lost both his legs, then had a stroke. Although he is very coherent, he can't care for himself. Once the aides get him up and into his scooter, he gets around, but his medical needs are too great for him to live alone. He is often sad, but cheers himself up by joking about "pulling your leg, cause you can't pull mine." He has a quick wit, but is so soft spoken that most people don't pay attention to him. And yes he complains. Who wouldn't.
But there is something about Steven that is special. Besides his need. The first thing he ever said to me was that one day, he was going upstairs with Jesus. So that makes him my brother.
Today my bit of joy will be to spread some. Steven loves to fish. I am sure it has something to do with the camaraderie of fishermen, which I don't fully understand, but I know that he loves the outdoors, and he likes to laugh. So I went and bought some outdoor based comedies and He and I will watch them today.
Sometimes joy costs us. Money can always be had, but time is a fleeting and once-gone forever-lost thing. Today I spend my time.
That is not just for today. That is for every day. Today is Sunday, the Lord's day, and as I step out into the cold of the morning, in my bare feet, coffee in hand, shirt sleeves only, I am reminded of this one thing. Cold, Heat, Rain, Sun, Storms, God made them all. For a reason. So I decide that I will embrace the cold, and brave it in bare feet and shirt sleeves.
The sun is rising, thin clouds embracing the colors of the day. As I stand there shivering, I can hear my grandmother's voice saying"Girl! put your shoes and coat on!" I embrace the memory of her long lost voice and it's chiding tone.
My eyes see color everywhere. Red, gold, of the new rising sun. Pale blue of the sky, gray of the fading night. My skin prickles against the cold of the breeze. The scent of a hint of rain wafts in the breeze. Morning again. Just as with every day of my life, morning has arrived, and with it the anticipation of a new day, and what it may bring. I am taken back in time to when I was a child once again. Those days when I had no wishes, but only anticipation of what the day would bring.
I have no wishes today. I am blessed with a home, food, clothing, a beautiful sunrise, all my senses are stirred. I am content. In this, I find a sacred joy, a peace.
But what of those with no home, no food, no clothing, no sight, no senses? I know they are out there. And God reminds me of this. I am His hands and feet. I am His heart shown to the world today. And now I have a wish. Let me find just one, Lord. Let me be your comfort in his need, let me be your shelter in her homelessness. Let me be your heart to one who is hurting. Let that be my joy today.
PS.
Apparently, God knows how inept I can be, and so He promptly answered my prayer today. It seems those things that you look so hard to find are right under your nose.
I went to pick up my Dad and took him to church this morning. On the way, he let me know that his room mate at the nursing home was very sad because I had not been in, except briefly, for a couple of days.
Steven is just my age. Only 58. From what I can discern, he has been in the nursing home at least 4 years, and maybe more. He had been living at home with his mother, but when she died, his sister sent him off to the nursing home. I have been visiting there nearly every day for the past year, and have never seen her. In fact, I have only seen one person, at one visit, who ever came to see Steven.
He was in a hit and run pedestrian accident those long years ago, lost both his legs, then had a stroke. Although he is very coherent, he can't care for himself. Once the aides get him up and into his scooter, he gets around, but his medical needs are too great for him to live alone. He is often sad, but cheers himself up by joking about "pulling your leg, cause you can't pull mine." He has a quick wit, but is so soft spoken that most people don't pay attention to him. And yes he complains. Who wouldn't.
But there is something about Steven that is special. Besides his need. The first thing he ever said to me was that one day, he was going upstairs with Jesus. So that makes him my brother.
Today my bit of joy will be to spread some. Steven loves to fish. I am sure it has something to do with the camaraderie of fishermen, which I don't fully understand, but I know that he loves the outdoors, and he likes to laugh. So I went and bought some outdoor based comedies and He and I will watch them today.
Sometimes joy costs us. Money can always be had, but time is a fleeting and once-gone forever-lost thing. Today I spend my time.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Finding Joy
Day 2. Too much celebration. I struggle out of bed, stiff and achy. My smile is permanently emblazoned across my face in lipstick I forgot to wash off. I struggle up to make coffee. I squint at the light streaming through the front window. I slip on my slippers, and shiver out into the cold of the morning (If Tucson has cold at all.) My back hurts, my leg hurts, my head hurts. You would have thought I had consumed alcohol, but the fact is, at 58, when you have been less than kind to your body, you don't have to have alcohol to feel like this.
Coffee eases the pain. Contrary to popular belief, it does not kick start the brain. Too much celebration can be the cause for laying all day on the couch, which I am inclined to do today, but have too much to do to let myself. So as I drink my coffee, watch the sun come up over the mountain (and the apartment complex), I am thinking about all I have to do today. And then God's light hits me like a spotlight. A song is running through my head.
Would you dare, would you dare to believe, that you still have a reason to sing, cause the hurt that you've been feeling, it can't compare to the joy that's coming... Thank you,God (and Josh Wilson.)
Do I dare to believe at 58 that life holds more for me? I mean more than just enjoying retirement, which is looming ahead. Do I dare to dream? Do I dare to move ahead, or will I just be stuck playing safe?
I think about my Dad, who is a patient in a nursing home now, and yet fights for his right to be taken to church every Sunday, who was sad when he was told he couldn't teach Sunday School anymore, but still was looking for something that God wanted him to do. It occurs to me that I still have to press on and fight the good fight, even if I have to limp to do it.
Coffee eases the pain. Contrary to popular belief, it does not kick start the brain. Too much celebration can be the cause for laying all day on the couch, which I am inclined to do today, but have too much to do to let myself. So as I drink my coffee, watch the sun come up over the mountain (and the apartment complex), I am thinking about all I have to do today. And then God's light hits me like a spotlight. A song is running through my head.
Would you dare, would you dare to believe, that you still have a reason to sing, cause the hurt that you've been feeling, it can't compare to the joy that's coming... Thank you,God (and Josh Wilson.)
Do I dare to believe at 58 that life holds more for me? I mean more than just enjoying retirement, which is looming ahead. Do I dare to dream? Do I dare to move ahead, or will I just be stuck playing safe?
I think about my Dad, who is a patient in a nursing home now, and yet fights for his right to be taken to church every Sunday, who was sad when he was told he couldn't teach Sunday School anymore, but still was looking for something that God wanted him to do. It occurs to me that I still have to press on and fight the good fight, even if I have to limp to do it.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Finding Joy
Today I begin a year long journey of finding joy in every day. It is a good day to start! Today is the first day of my 58th year of walking on this planet. It has been a rough life. A really tough last decade. There have been a lot of bleak days,especially over the last three years. Each of the last three years have had their own special challenges, with decisions that left me far from joyful. Putting Dad in a nursing home, in spite of himself, was one of the hardest. Days of doubting that I was doing the right thing, thinking about the end of life, and how horrendous the decision I had made, even though I was forced into the position by circumstance. There was little joy in any of it. But when I stopped to think about it, there still was something to find joy in about it. Losing my house, then moving, moving, moving, each time to somewhere cheaper and cheaper, just to make that dollar stretch. And so much more. I won't bore you with the details.
But each time I found that there was something within that kept me going. There was more of me to discover, deeper things than what appeared on the surface. With all that was going on, it seemed there would never be a time that I was settled, but somehow God showed me the bigger things in life; things that kept me joyful and hopeful. And there was the key to my little journey here.
Last night I went to bed in horrible pain. I was injured in a horrible fall in 1998 that left one leg tremendously shorter than the other. To top it off, my left ankle will never be the same. No actually to top it off, I sprained my right ankle in my attempts to keep moving by walking every day. So now I am limping on both feet. Attempting to nod off to sleep, the pain throbbing in both ankles, I thought How can I find joy in this life?
I thought about all that had happened in the past. All the awful things that life had dealt me. And then I thought about what the outcome had been from all of those things. In each one, I saw that God had worked something in my life as a direct result of them. And I found a moment of joy, in knowing that God had a plan for me, and that He would work it out, in spite of my resistance. I found joy in that, and peace, in spite of pain.
So I made a promise to myself last night that I was going to try to find some moment of joy in every day, and share it with the world.
This morning, when I got up to make the coffee, I found that it was already made, a beautiful card sitting by it, with a note inside saying "Thank you for being there, even when I insist that you go away!" It was from my daughter, who, needless to say, can be a bit aloof. Born that way, we all say, but time and circumstances in life have reinforced it. And yet she still found it in herself to think of the very first thing I would think about in the morning. Coffee.
I am sure that because today is my birthday, there will be many other joys come my way. It is a good day to start this task.
I will keep you posted. :)
PS.
The crowning moment of the day came when I had dinner with all of my offspring and grand offspring at my favorite restaurant. It was not the food. It was not the fact that it is my favorite restaurant. It was watching my family, enjoined in lively conversation, enjoying each others company, and the realization that I had three little boys sitting up in my lap who have been duped into thinking I am wonderful. Boy, do I have them fooled!
But each time I found that there was something within that kept me going. There was more of me to discover, deeper things than what appeared on the surface. With all that was going on, it seemed there would never be a time that I was settled, but somehow God showed me the bigger things in life; things that kept me joyful and hopeful. And there was the key to my little journey here.
Last night I went to bed in horrible pain. I was injured in a horrible fall in 1998 that left one leg tremendously shorter than the other. To top it off, my left ankle will never be the same. No actually to top it off, I sprained my right ankle in my attempts to keep moving by walking every day. So now I am limping on both feet. Attempting to nod off to sleep, the pain throbbing in both ankles, I thought How can I find joy in this life?
I thought about all that had happened in the past. All the awful things that life had dealt me. And then I thought about what the outcome had been from all of those things. In each one, I saw that God had worked something in my life as a direct result of them. And I found a moment of joy, in knowing that God had a plan for me, and that He would work it out, in spite of my resistance. I found joy in that, and peace, in spite of pain.
So I made a promise to myself last night that I was going to try to find some moment of joy in every day, and share it with the world.
This morning, when I got up to make the coffee, I found that it was already made, a beautiful card sitting by it, with a note inside saying "Thank you for being there, even when I insist that you go away!" It was from my daughter, who, needless to say, can be a bit aloof. Born that way, we all say, but time and circumstances in life have reinforced it. And yet she still found it in herself to think of the very first thing I would think about in the morning. Coffee.
I am sure that because today is my birthday, there will be many other joys come my way. It is a good day to start this task.
I will keep you posted. :)
PS.
The crowning moment of the day came when I had dinner with all of my offspring and grand offspring at my favorite restaurant. It was not the food. It was not the fact that it is my favorite restaurant. It was watching my family, enjoined in lively conversation, enjoying each others company, and the realization that I had three little boys sitting up in my lap who have been duped into thinking I am wonderful. Boy, do I have them fooled!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
The past month has been one of the toughest in my life. My best friend, Rose, passed away on January 10th. She had battled ca...
-
Yesterday I went for a long walk, along the trail that they call “River” walk. To those of us who know what a river really is, this ...
-
Today I begin a year long journey of finding joy in every day. It is a good day to start! Today is the first day of my 58th year of walkin...
