Who's Your Daddy?

Father’s Day is a difficult day for me.  I am missing the father who raised me.  My Grandad Linn was a kindly man who spoke gently, taught with every word and movement of his life, and loved with all of his being.  On the other hand, on this day, I am currently feeling resentment against my real father, the one who abused me and abandoned me, and seems at times to have no remorse for anything he did, and still, in spite of his age, continues some of his old behavior. (Edited June 19, 2016.  God answers prayers!  Daddy passed away on March 4, 2014, but for nearly a year prior, he was very repentant, begging forgiveness for all that he had done, and when he passed, he was at peace, and there was peace between us!) 

Today, I am fighting with myself over this.  My feelings tell me never to see this man again, never to talk to him again, and to tell him why.  But in my heart, I hear a still, small voice that tells me “Be angry, but do not sin.”  I even went to my Bible to read about how we are to treat those who mistreat us.  I found the best example in the person of Jesus Christ. 

When spoken to in harsh tones, he answered with the truth.  When injured, he did not retaliate, when spat upon, he did not spit back.  When reviled, he laid down his life for those who would kill him, and then prayed from the cross “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” 

My problem today arises from the fact that my father knows what he is doing.  He knows what self-control is.  I see him act this way toward everyone, except his children.  And there is where the anger rises in me like a flood.   But one other thing sticks in my mind.  “Forgive as you have been forgiven.”  There is not a person on the earth who has not either committed some sin, by purposeful action, or by not doing something that needed to be done. And yet God has forgiven me, and restored our relationship.  And because of that, I know that I must do the same. 

Children are reflections of their father.  They can reflect either good or bad that the father did, or they can reject it.  There are no other choices.  I made my choices long ago, as to who my real earthly father was and who I would follow.  Although one fathered me physically, the only one that counted was the one who fathered me spiritually.  He is gone to heaven, waiting for me, and no doubt watching to see what path I will choose, forgiveness or resentment. 

He taught me many things.  One of them was that when you hold on to resentment, it does nothing to the offender, but it does eat you up inside, twisting your thoughts and often your actions.  Bitterness, the opposite of forgiveness, eats the soul, taints the actions, but does nothing to the offender.  

On the other hand, the act of forgiving frees me to do the good I have been taught to do, and frees my offender to correct his actions, or not, whatever his choice is. Forgiveness allows me to move on from the heartache, to the beauty of relationship with my Heavenly Father, and to move forward, rather than living in the past.  Even if that past was just yesterday. 

The most important thing I learned from my Grandad was love.  If I truly am operating in love, I can forgive.  It does not mean that I allow someone to continue to abuse me, and it does not mean that a relationship that is destructive continues as it is.  It does mean I walk forward from the hurt, and let it go.  It means I choose to act in love, and forgive whatever insult or hurt comes my way, knowing that my real father, God in Heaven, watches over me, loves me and provides for me, forgiving me and enabling me to do the same. 

So today, on this Father’s day, I choose to honor my real Father, the one who sees, knows, and has always taken care of me and to honor the spiritual father who took the time to introduce me to Him.   Today, I choose to forgive and move forward with God’s help.
Copyright © 2011 by Susan Linn-Gomez. All Rights Reserved.