What did I miss?

I just finished hemming 4 pairs of pants.  Seems like a simple task, which usually it would be, but today I decided to attempt to learn how to "blind hem" on a sewing machine.  Not that I am exactly a novice at this, or that I am unfamiliar with the simple task of sewing.  What made it such a daunting task was figuring out how to work the machine.  It took me 4 hours, but it is done.  I am not exactly a pro at it, but at least I know what to do. It is a shame that I have had this machine over 10 years, and had no clue it could do what it does. 

Which led me to a question.  Since I retired, less than a week ago, it seems I have not stopped once.  I somehow had pictured retirement in a different light.  Something like long walks, and time to dream and write and paint.  It hasn't been anything like that, and it is no one's fault but my own.  I stopped at some point today in between the frustration of another ruined hemline, and wondered HOW on EARTH did I EVER do all the things I did, just a week ago?

My days began early, 5:00 AM usually, with a quick cup of coffee, take care of some housework, start work, finish a gazillion things at that, end at 3:00, run to the nursing home, stop at the store, come home, clean up some, cook dinner, pay bills, maybe back out to run an errand.  Then go to bed with a list in my head of everything I had to do tomorrow.  And with all that, I was much more efficient than I was today with the entire sewing machine thing.  The day is nearly spent, and I still have a lot of stuff to do, and I haven't done half of what I used to do!

Which led me to thinking again.  What did I miss in all those years of rushing and working, and running and running?  What sunrises did I miss in my blatant efficiency?  How many of my children's smiles did I miss in my race to get things done?  How many of my grand-children's days went by, how many wonderful times with friends, how much of MY LIFE did I miss, because I thought I had to do it all?

I figure, by the odds, I have a pretty good chance of another 25 years at living.  Today I decided I don't want to waste another minute of it, just letting it rush by while I am too busy to notice.  I want to breathe in tomorrows sunrise, tonight's sunset, the laughter of my children and grand-children, the joy of learning new things, seeing new things.  I want to reconnect with old friends, and make new ones.  Most of all I don't want to miss the joy of watching God make me into someone new.

It is funny that He opened my eyes to all of this in the midst of the chaos of my sewing lesson.  When I was a kid and my grandmother was teaching me to sew, all I wanted to do was run outside to play.  I used to stare longingly at the window wishing I was anywhere, but there.  Which is why one day, I ran the needle through my thumb.

I don't want God to have to run a needle through my thumb to wake me up this time.

Copyright © 2011 by Susan Linn-Gomez. All Rights Reserved.