GOD SPEAKS IN THE MIDDLE OF HEARTBREAK.

Numbers 30:2   “  If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.”

Almost two decades ago, I had met up with my very first love.  We chatted online, on the phone, and eventually I flew out to meet him for the first time in over 30 years.  He hadn’t changed much, still had lots of energy and things to say, but I was shocked when I heard him ask me to marry him.  Not just shocked, but ELECTRIFIED.  Because now I believed all of my dreams were coming true.  I went to his city, interviewed for a job there and got it on the spot, and went home to my family to announce that we would be moving.  I also turned in my resignation to my current employer.

Until one day, I woke with a little voice inside that said “NO!”  Needless to say I followed up to figure out why, but I won’t go into those details, because they are not the point of this story.  I did pull my resignation, tell the other employer I would not be coming, and informed my fiance that I would not be getting married to him.  Then I laid down to cry over my broken dreams.

One morning I woke in tears again, but I felt the feeling of arms encircling me from behind. I would have been terrified, with the exception of the Voice I heard.  He said, “Behold, I make all things new.”   And although I heard, and I knew the Voice, I did not understand. I got up and went on with my life from there, not thinking much of what was being “made new”.

Many years passed and I still hadn’t figured out what was being made new.  But I had grown to trust God in all that He said and did in my life, and I knew He had a plan for me.  Last week I was out driving and just reminiscing about all the times I spent here in Tucson. Over there was a park that my boys played ball at, there was the school where my little girl went to kindergarten, beyond that my old place of employment.  During that drive I passed many places that my dad had talked about.  And a light came on in my brain.   (Don't you just wish we humans had brain traffic lights to stop us from doing stupid things?)  This was not a traffic light, it was a light to illuminate why God had kept me here, and what He had meant by things being made new. 

During those years following what I thought were the demise of my dreams, I had watched my sons marry and my grandchildren born.   I watched my daughter excel in all she put her hand to. Beyond all that, my dad had gone blind, gotten very ill and ended up in a nursing home where he passed away.  I sat with him, and watched the light of the glory of the Lord on his face, and knew he was finally seeing the one he truly loved, Jesus, as he took his last breath.  And then part of the “Why” was answered.  

And now I page back to December of 1967.  My Grandad, who was my earthly hero, had been put in a nursing home after his stroke.  He begged to go home, and I wanted him to, not understanding that there was no way I could care for him.  Since I was only 15, I had to have my dad take me to the nursing home for they did not allow anyone under 16 to visit without an adult present.  The week before December 26, 1967, I had been to visit him and promised him that I would be there with him on Christmas day.  That never came to pass, because that day my dad never went to see him.  However, he did go the following day, but did not take me with him.  When he returned home, he was sobbing uncontrollably, and telling how he had walked in to find Grandad dead.  I was furious!!!  And in my grief and despair I blurted out “I SWEAR TO GOD I will NEVER LEAVE YOU TO DIE ALONE IN A NURSING HOME!!”   And then I just went to my bed and cried.

At the time of my dad’s passing the Lord brought something to me.  The vow that I had never remembered, God had allowed me to keep.  I had not left Dad to die alone in a nursing home.  So how does this relate back to the beginning of this tale?  Had I married and left this town, I would never have been able to watch my sons marry and my grandchildren born or my daughter exceed my highest expectations.  I would have missed all those years.  I would not have been here to care for my dad in those years that he needed me so.  But most importantly, I would not have been here to be with my dad as he died and I would not have been able to keep the vow I swore to the Lord back in 1967.  The Lord accomplished it all!!

To be continued